Wednesday, October 3, 2018

This Too Shall Pass...

I sit at my dinning room table staring blankly at my laptop screen waiting for the words to flow from my emotional thoughts. Every now and then I raise my eyes as they peer through my bifocals to glance out towards the patio doors not letting the cloudy day as the sun plays peek-a-boo add to the many feelings that invade my aching heart.

These past couple of weeks have been very daunting with the lost of a loved one, while another has gone m.i.a. Traveling here or there, back and forth trying to take care of my family, slowly building one business while trying to create another. Trying to maintain my household while I feel like I'm walking in a thick fog not really clear about what's really going on around me.

Yes, I'm one of those at times when dark days engulf me, I  smile brightly on the outside but on the inside I feel as if I'm going to fall apart.

There are many times where my life is filled with so much joy but then there are those moments where I feel as if everything is caving in on me.

I want to yell out, "hold me"!!!: so a river of tears can run down my face but most of the time my stubbornness to be strong won't allow me to show my vulnerability. 

Reason being that I've allowed myself to be vulnerable before and there where those who used my weakness against me. So yes, I wear a protective shield around my heart in public but in private I curl myself up either on my bedroom lounge chair or my bed and just cry until I can't shed another tear.

I know this is just a dark moment in time and "this too shall pass" but for now, my heart aches as I continue to walk in the fog crying my silent tears.

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