This Too Shall Pass...

I sit at my dinning room table staring blankly at my laptop screen waiting for the words to flow from my emotional thoughts. Every now and then I raise my eyes as they peer through my bifocals to glance out towards the patio doors not letting the cloudy day as the sun plays peek-a-boo add to the many feelings that invade my aching heart.

These past couple of weeks have been very daunting with the lost of a loved one, while another has gone m.i.a. Traveling here or there, back and forth trying to take care of my family, slowly building one business while trying to create another. Trying to maintain my household while I feel like I'm walking in a thick fog not really clear about what's really going on around me.

Yes, I'm one of those at times when dark days engulf me, I  smile brightly on the outside but on the inside I feel as if I'm going to fall apart.

There are many times where my life is filled with so much joy but then there are those moments where I feel as if everything is caving in on me.

I want to yell out, "hold me"!!!: so a river of tears can run down my face but most of the time my stubbornness to be strong won't allow me to show my vulnerability. 

Reason being that I've allowed myself to be vulnerable before and there where those who used my weakness against me. So yes, I wear a protective shield around my heart in public but in private I curl myself up either on my bedroom lounge chair or my bed and just cry until I can't shed another tear.

I know this is just a dark moment in time and "this too shall pass" but for now, my heart aches as I continue to walk in the fog crying my silent tears.

Quiet Time

Night falls on this cloudy yet humid Wednesday evening and all is quiet in my home.

I enjoy the peace more than ever especially since it's been so rare lately. 

For a moment I felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to break down and cry, which would have been a good thing for me since I consider it a way of cleansing my soul. 

I have to admit there are times where the outside world and personal situations combined wear me down to the point I just want to run away screaming like a mad woman but I know I have to maintain control, keeping a somewhat clear head. That's why from time to time I retreat to my quiet place where I answer no phone calls, texts or emails, nor do I post. 

Just a day closed off from the noise and madness.

It Gets Foggy

The days seem to go on forever and sometimes I  feel as if I'm about to lose my mind or maybe I'm just finally going through the change. Who knows, all I know is that I want is to be able to focus and get back to multitasking my life.

I'm still traveling back and forth from Columbus to Cleveland steady occupying limbo land. I'll be doing this for another year until my son who's a senior this year is off to college. 

Then maybe I will either keep, rent or sell my condo and move to good ole Cleveland, that's if a certain situations has been resolved (a few close friends know what i''m talking about).

If and when these situations has been resolved I will then begin planning a wedding.

If not, life goes on and my backup plan of traveling the world comes into play.

As my maternal grandmother use to say,  " don't settle for less", and that's something that continuously plays in the back of my head.

And So it Begins.......

What can I really say about the past year except that it was an unusual and amazing ride!!!
You just never know what life may throw at you, all you can do is just be prepared to enjoy the adventure!!!

Like many, I wondered what 2017 would bring considering all the chaos that was happening all around. One thing for sure, I was determined not to let it get the best of me or affect me negatively in any way. I had made a turning point in my life where I just wanted to live a life of gratitude, shedding the negativity and embracing the blessings that were being bestowed upon me. Shedding doubt and replacing it with faith. Turning self-defeating thoughts into thoughts of encouragement and empowerment.

Though I don't believe in religion, I do believe in a higher power and I believe that we are meant to seek out the path to unconditional love and peace. We have a choice, do you take the path to love or do you take the path to hate. Do you wish to live a joyful life or do you seek out misery? The choice is totally up to you. As the saying goes, if you think you're going to fail, you will and if you think you're going to succeed you will.

I choose to look at the present and the future in a positive way, especially because so many blessings have been bestowed upon me as a result. One of them is a wonderful, handsome and charming man coming into my life along with a beautiful addition to my family, his daughter.

I thought that when my son Blake went off to college, I would become an empty nester and the thought of that sadden me but now I have another wonderful child to love and care for.

So begins a new chapter in my life.

Lately....

Hello everyone!!! I know it's been some time since you've last heard from moi. Especially after my original blog Model Sabrina Hayes Blogspot somehow disappeared, which I was gravely disappointed after all the work I put into it over the years but I can't cry over spilled milk, the show must go.

Anyway, a lot has been going on since then. From dealing with my lil man becoming a moody teenager to currently promoting a short film written and directed by Chelsea Anders called Poster Grrl in which I play a therapist. The movie is about the downward spiral of a young woman through drugs and alcohol. I felt so honored to be part of such an amazing project and I am certainly looking forward to the premiere which is scheduled for August 5th 7pm at the Gateway Theatre in Columbus, Ohio. Hoping to see a lot of faces there supporting the film.